


Too Little, Too Late

by Paravellex



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anger That's Mostly Justified But Not Entirely, Angst, Candy Timeline, Gen, Grief, Sadstuck, The Homestuck Epilogues, epilogue compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 14:24:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19378528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paravellex/pseuds/Paravellex
Summary: After Roxy learns of Dave's death, she telephones Rose to give her condolences. It... doesn't go as planned.





	Too Little, Too Late

Roxy stops pacing around the room and takes a deep breath, then exhales sharply.

There's no point delaying, right? They've got to talk to each other again at some point. And with the tragedy of what just happened... it would be wrong to wait.

Her hands hover over the phone keys, trembling slightly. After a few seconds, she quickly dials the number and puts the phone to her ear.

She hears a ring. Once... twice... thrice... (thrice? Is that bad grammar? Maybe she should look--)

_Click._

ROSE: Hello?  
ROXY: um  
ROXY: hi rose  
ROXY: its me  
ROSE: Oh. Roxy.  
ROSE: What do you want?

Roxy frowns. Her mother’s tone is colder than she expected. Perhaps it’s warranted, but still.

ROXY: i uh  
ROXY: i heard about what happened to dave  
ROXY: how he died somehow fightin this stupid war  
ROXY: and i just wanted to  
ROXY: yknow  
ROXY: see how ur doing  
ROSE: Hmm.  
ROXY: like i know weve been distant for a while  
ROXY: wat with everything going on  
ROXY: but dave was important to me and ik he was important to u too  
ROXY: so  
ROXY: my condolences and watnot  
ROXY: dunno what else to say  
ROSE: I see.

Rose doesn't say anything more, so Roxy, feeling awkward, decides to keep talking.

ROXY: tbh it was a while since i last talked to dave too  
ROXY: but i still care abt him  
ROXY: he was my ectoson and also the absolute dudest of bros  
ROXY: and i get why he didnt want to talk to me or anyone else involved with jane  
ROXY: cause like maybe janes kind of a jerk now  
ROXY: le shrug :(  
ROSE: A jerk, you say.  
ROSE: Well.  
ROSE: If nothing else, I'm glad you're finally recognizing her "jerkiness" as a bad thing, now that it's personally affected you.  
ROSE: Real magnanimous there, sis. Thank you for the show of support.

The icy venom in Rose's voice startles Roxy, who flinches back as if slapped.

ROXY: i  
ROXY: what???  
ROXY: rose what the hell!  
ROSE: I could ask you the same.  
ROSE: What the hell were you doing these past fifteen years, standing behind Crocker while she strangled this world in a vice grip?  
ROSE: You're the one who killed the Condesce. Why did you, of all people, choose to be complicit while her successor took over?

Roxy sighs. Here it comes. This is exactly what she was afraid of.

ROXY: look rose ik you care a lot abt this stuff and thats cool  
ROXY: but janes not evil! shes just got different ideas of how things should be run  
ROSE: Hmm...  
ROSE: Interesting. Enlighten me.  
ROSE: I have singlehandedly turned an ostensible democracy into a surveillance state and _de facto_ autocracy, with myself as the autocrat. If any dissenters get too uppity, no matter how peaceful they are or what their grievance with me is, I abduct them and use them as slave labor. I am determined to use my resources to wipe out a sentient species. I could stop this at any time, but have actively chosen to pursue a campaign of genocide for at least a decade. And, for good measure, I've been publicly abusing my husband and son over that same time period.  
ROSE: How am I "not evil"?

Roxy pauses. She's heard all these arguments before, but has tried to avoid the discomfort of situations where they're presented with such force.

ROXY: aight well first off i dunno if thats a totally accurate picture  
ROXY: second off  
ROXY: this rly isnt why i called  
ROXY: and i dont see why this convo has 2 turn into yet another janebash party  
ROXY: specially when it should be abt the death of our ectobrofriend!  
ROSE: Do you really not see the connection?  
ROSE: Or are you intellectually cognizant of it, but emotionally unwilling to embrace your friend's role in your son's death because of the cognitive dissonance such a resolution would entail?  
ROXY: ugh pls dont start w the psychobabble  
ROXY: it was cute like on the lilypad and shit but now is rly rly not the time  
ROSE: My point is, Dave perished in a conflict whose roots can be fundamentally and objectively traced back to Crocker.  
ROSE: If we're going to discuss his death, it's only fair to acknowledge the monumental role which she played in it.  
ROSE: Don't you agree?

This is getting uncomfortable, so Roxy decides to change the subject. If Rose can't forgive Jane for her perceived role in Dave's death, then... well, maybe they could make peace if things were different? If Dave were still alive?

Come to think of it, why does this has to be the end for him, anyway? Why can't they bring him back?

ROXY: but like  
ROXY: back during sburb ppl died left and right and it barely slowed em down  
ROXY: cant you try to revive dave somehow??  
ROXY: there have to be ways! fuck just give him to me and ill make jane do the lifey thing  
ROSE: We _did_ try to revive Dave. Or rather, Jade did.  
ROSE: She was so furious and desperate that she zapped the Ring of Life off of Meenah's finger, then slid it onto Dave's.  
ROSE: Nothing happened.  
ROSE: Somehow, he's dead in a way that precludes resurrection. Like the young alternate Jade who once fell out of the sky.  
ROSE: And even if that wasn't the case...  
ROSE: Regarding the "lifey thing", do you really think Crocker would revive a leader of the revolution trying to overthrow her?  
ROXY: well... i spose...  
ROSE: Meenah's fine, by the way. Thanks for asking.  
ROSE: Karkat eventually talked Jade into giving him the ring back and revived his matesprit, whose subsequent vengeful onslaught only left Jade with minor fractures.  
ROXY: im just sayin  
ROXY: it cant hurt to try!!  
ROXY: and maybe janes been evil or blinded by power etc etc etc   
ROXY: but we can still talk to her!  
ROXY: we can convince her to... i dunno!  
ROXY: try saving dave! stop the war, go back to being the girl we loved!  
ROXY: we can get her to stop ALL of this!!! shes not too far gone!!!

The words ring hollow even as she says them. A heavy silence follows, terminated by a short, humorless laugh from the other end of the line.

ROSE: You're either a villain or a fool. Or perhaps both.  
ROSE: I mean, I knew that already. But that little outburst only lent more credence to the accusation.

Feeling powerless and helpless, Roxy grits her teeth and speaks with a new edge in her voice.

ROXY: look ik this all sucks ass and ik ur upset  
ROXY: but why r u taking all this out on me???  
ROXY: im not to blame for daves death! maybe its jane! maybe its karkat! maybe its even dave himself! but its definitely not ME!  
ROSE: I wouldn't be so sure.  
ROSE: Every day we spend at war is another day any given combatant might meet an untimely end.  
ROSE: As the number of such days increases, the odds of an individual's death scale proportionately.  
ROSE: So, if we had someone fighting with us who could have shortened this conflict...  
ROSE: Someone with incredible powers, such as the ability to turn into void and summon anything from thin air...  
ROSE: There's a very real chance that Dave would still be alive.  
ROSE: And if such a person refused to take part, it could only be conceived of as a moral failing.  
ROXY: oh cmon thats bullshit!!!  
ROXY: youve got like five gods fighting for you already and one of them is jade fucking harley!  
ROXY: my void powers are good but theyre not THAT good  
ROXY: and besides  
ROXY: this isnt what you told john!  
ROXY: he said he was all mopey about not fighting for you and you said it was okay!  
ROSE: Yes, I did.  
ROSE: Because he was emotionally incapable of fighting, and persisting in my attempts to thrust him into the fray would have gotten good troops killed.  
ROSE: And also because, on the sidelines, he was a strictly neutral presence at worst. He was at no risk of becoming a peon of the regime.  
ROSE: A peon who, perhaps, might appear in regular propaganda broadcasts alongside its genocidal dictator, providing invaluable political support that tripled the length of the war.  
ROSE: Tripling, in turn, the body count.

Roxy seethes at Rose's implicit accusation. How could she say something like that? No, not just how could she... how _dare_ she?!

ROXY: well  
ROXY: if u wanna talk about body count  
ROXY: u wanna act like ur so innocent??  
ROXY: it takes 2 to tango and yall are doing an argentine danceoff extravaganza!  
ROXY: your side kills ppl too, rose! its not just the government!!  
ROSE: I won't deny that.  
ROSE: Casualties are an unavoidable fact of war. But for what it's worth, we've been trying to keep them to a minimum.  
ROSE: Our strikes are precise rather than sweeping, attempting to take out strategic targets rather than indiscriminately slaughtering.  
ROSE: And under no circumstances do we target civilian populations. Certainly not as a primary objective of the war.  
ROSE: The regime can't say the same, and equating our sides morally is astoundingly naïve.  
ROXY: but  
ROXY: i mean, like  
ROXY: ergh!  
ROXY: things would have been fine if u hadnt rebelled!  
ROXY: sure they woulda sucked for a few years but  
ROXY: if you hadnt forced janes hand! maybe you coulda deposed her democratically!  
ROXY: there wouldnt be a war if you didnt want a war!  
ROSE: We didn't.  
ROSE: We tried civil and diplomatic means, but it was clear from the beginning that Crocker would never give up power voluntarily. Certainly not with you and Calliope supporting her.  
ROSE: And while people will die in this conflict, if we had rolled over and let her subjugglate this world, the death toll would have been far greater.  
ROSE: Do you know how many people have died in Crocker's saccharine gulags, Roxy?  
ROSE: How many people who perhaps could have been saved, had you exhibited a smidgen of selflessness at any point during the last decade?  
ROXY: i have a feeling ur about to tell me...  
ROSE: Nineteen.  
ROXY: wait  
ROXY: nineteen people the entire time??  
ROSE: Nineteen people while we've been talking.  
ROSE: Nineteen people with families. Friends. Parents, husbands, wives, children. Nineteen people who will leave behind a gap in the hearts of countless others.  
ROSE: Nineteen people with names like Adam Saxton, Moksol Wodzei, Telmua Yampek, and Ryan and Anna Belfast. Nineteen people you didn't care about because their names weren't Strider or Lalonde.  
ROSE: Oh. Hmm. I may have just monologued for a bit. The number is likely closer to twenty now, I think? Perhaps even twenty-one.

Roxy's been able to recover from all of Rose's previous barbs. But this latest attack is what really cuts her deeply.

Perhaps it's the list of names, which drove home that Jane's atrocities weren't abstract or impersonal; they affected real people. Perhaps it's the sheer _quantity_ of deaths, which she'd been blissfully ignorant of until now. Perhaps it's simply the cumulative effect of everything Rose has said.

Whatever the reason is, Roxy can feel her anger slipping away, replaced only with a strange... hollowness.

A half minute passes before she finally replies.

ROXY: i guess  
ROXY: things just kinda suck.  
ROXY: if that many ppl are dying  
ROXY: then whats even the point?  
ROSE: What do you mean?

Finally, a non-rhetorical question. Roxy feels like she should be glad, like she should latch onto that. But the emptiness persists nonetheless.

ROXY: if ur sure that what ur doing is good  
ROXY: and all of u put together cant save any of the ppl in the camps  
ROXY: or change anything at all rly  
ROXY: why should i even try?  
ROXY: why cant i just stay on the bench and just be me?  
ROXY: nothing i do is going to matter.  
ROSE: This is the exact attitude John said you were trying to knock out of him, so we can add "hypocrisy" to your list of transgressions.  
ROSE: Furthermore, your premise is erroneous.  
ROSE: We _have_ saved people, and we _have_ changed things. And we'll continue to do so.  
ROSE: We've recaptured territory, closed camps, liberated prisoners, halted exterminations.  
ROSE: We've lost some battles. And I can't say for sure how this war will end. But we have a real chance of affecting real and positive change.  
ROSE: Change which would be impossible if we had done nothing.  
ROSE: Like you did.

Until those last three words, Roxy was feeling almost reassured. But Rose's final punch drains out whatever fight Roxy had left.

Roxy can't find the strength to reply. She just spends a few minutes in silence, turning her mother's words over in her brain.

The more she thinks about it, the more she wonders if she's been living a lie for years. 

She thinks about all the horrible things her onetime best friend has done. She thinks about the trolls dying of exertion or starvation under Jane's orders. She thinks about her friends, how they stepped up to defend the defenseless, and how one of them seemingly gave his life for the cause. And she thinks about how, in the face of all this... she did nothing.

Is there any excuse for what she's done, or for what she hasn't done?

Is there any absolution?

After spending some time wrestling with everything she's just been told, Roxy comes to a conclusion which, in retrospect, was inevitable from the get-go.

ROXY: oh my god  
ROXY: youre right :(

Roxy pauses and takes a few deep breaths.

ROXY: youve been right this whole time  
ROXY: and i dunno what to say  
ROXY: except  
ROXY: ...im sorry.  
ROSE: Obviously I'm right. And it's a little late for apologies.

Maybe Roxy should have seen that coming, but it still stings.

Before she responds, Roxy takes one more moment to think. She's made a lot of mistakes in her life, but... at least she can start making up for them now. There's still one way to fix all this.

ROXY: i know, it is a little late  
ROXY: but  
ROXY: you said that you could use me in the revolution  
ROXY: well  
ROXY: better late than never i guess?  
ROSE: What?

Rose sounds genuinely caught off guard, which surprises Roxy in turn. Still, Roxy presses forward.

ROXY: rose!  
ROXY: i want to join you!  
ROXY: like you mentioned earlier, ive got void powers which tbh ARE pretty good...  
ROXY: and every little bit helps, right?  
ROXY: let me join the revolution!  
ROSE: ...  
ROSE: ...  
ROSE: You can't be serious!

Shit.

ROSE: You're a traitor to all sentient species. Karkat mentions you in the same breath as Gamzee! There's a bounty out for your capture, dead or alive!  
ROSE: Nobody would trust you! They'd all think you were a spy, come to sabotage us from within!  
ROSE: I'd be astounded if you lasted five minutes without a dispossessed troll sliding a knife between your ribs!

Shit, shit, _shit._

This wasn't at all what Roxy had hoped for, and panic starts to set in.

ROXY: you could vouch for me, rose!  
ROXY: theyd listen to you! if you said you trusted me theyd listen!  
ROXY: i know i missed my chance before, but at least i can help now! i can still be useful to you, rose!  
ROSE: Why would I tell anyone I trust you! I don't.  
ROSE: While it's theoretically possible your intentions may be good, I'm not about to gamble everyone's futures on the prospect that your worldview was just permanently and diametrically reversed in a single conversation.  
ROSE: And when you say you missed your chance, what chance specifically are you referring to?  
ROSE: When do you an appropriate time to realize Crocker's vileness would have been?  
ROSE: Was it when she encouraged delegitimization of interspecies marriages, like mine, and started abusing Jake in front of you?  
ROSE: Was it when she barred trolls from holding public office and high-ranking jobs?  
ROSE: Was it when her surveillance drones started patrolling the skies at all hours?  
ROSE: Was it when she set up the concentration camps which led whole cities to their demise?  
ROSE: I'm just getting started, incidentally. Those things all happened within the first five years.  
ROSE: You had countless chances to change your mind, and you rejected every single one.  
ROSE: The time isn't now, mother dearest. The time was fifteen _fucking_ years ago.

Roxy's openly sobbing by this point. Rose is being cruel, and the worst part is, she's _right._ Roxy's been a monster for nearly half her life, and it's all hitting her at once.

ROXY: please... rose...  
ROXY: is there anything  
ROXY: anything at all  
ROXY: that i can do to make this right????

A pause.

ROSE: Le shrug.

Another pause.

ROSE: Anyway, I think I've said my piece.  
ROSE: Don't let me detain you any further. I'm sure we both have more important matters to attend to.

Rose hangs up without another word.

Roxy is left alone.

She lets the phone slowly slip from her grip and tumble to the floor, landing with a rattle and a thud.

Slowly, she falls to her knees and buries her head in her hands.

This is what she's come to. This is how far she's fallen. She's a horrible person, she'll _always be_ a horrible person, and her every move will only hurt the ones she loves. The one good thing she can do is stay out of everyone's way. Just kneel on the cold wooden floor, immutably trapped in herself. Just fade back into the darkness, broken, shamed, never again to rise.

After a few minutes, she can't even maintain a kneeling position, and falls to the ground as she curls up into a ball.

She stays there for what feels like forever.

She wails. She despairs. She weeps until the tears no longer flow.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this inspired me to make a longer story from Roxy's POV about how we got to this point, and it's a story which I promise won't end on such a depressing note!
> 
> Check out Through Shadowed Eyes: <https://archiveofourown.org/works/19972756>


End file.
